I identify as a gray-asexual, which to me means I rarely experience sexual attraction. This has never truly caused any conflict, considering my first monogamous relationship was with a fellow ace and I've been refusing traditional relationships after that.
However, not all gray-aces have the same story as me, and oftentimes that means hardships with relationship compatibility. It's not something I really thought about personally, so once I began reading about others' experiences, I realized it could be isolating.
After reading Hien Pham's It Will Be Hard, I knew that I had to start making gray-asexuality more visible. The gray-ace character within was already aware of that identity, but what about those people who don't know they are such? Stories like this bring an awareness to little-known things that can really impact people's lives, but I think even adding "gray-ace" to my profiles increases the chance of making someone feel seen, no matter how unlikely that is.
Just today, I listened to a Bearded Fruit podcast episode on gray-asexuality. One of the hosts, Cody Daigle-Orians, discusses the identity and how it's impacted his life and relationships. He and his husband, Neil, talk about their personal struggles with it, and it's just so human that I could not help but start sobbing.
You see, although I am in a nonmonogamous relationship, I caught the feels so hard. Although my identity doesn't theoretically impact my significant other and I, I'm still a flawed human with insecurities.
I couldn't help but share this podcast with everyone I thought it could be relevant for, even if it's just so they could know a little bit more about me. And now that Pham has decided to take down the paywall for It Will Be Hard, you betcha I'll be linking that like crazy.
Today was an emotional day for me, because that part of my identity is rarely represented. It matters to me more than ever before, and I'm hoping I could do a little work to help other gray-aces be seen. I'm now motivated to start working on my own gray-ace visibility art, writing, comics, and who knows what else.
P.S. I already wrote a feature on It Will Be Hard and minority representation, but today I'm focusing specifically on gray-asexuality.